• Heather Vargas

How Do I Love Me, Let Me Count The Ways

Updated: Oct 24, 2019


I Love Me, Do You Love You?

How many of you feel like the most indulgent, douche wad, diva saying "I love me" out loud, or even worse, out loud in front of people? Raising my hand right now. Well, stop it (smacking back of hand) because you should be proud of yourself. From the lips of our dear sweet Taylor Swift, “Haters gonna hate.” Self love is rare and fleeting and whenever you find it within, sing it from the rooftops. Life is for the living, shine that bright light Boo Boo!!


So as I sit here finding myself compelled to write this as much for me as for those of you reading it, I’m trying to think where all this is coming from. I’ve recently found myself feeling the happiest I've been in a long, long, long time. I realized this inner bliss was coming from being proud of myself. I’m proud for following my dreams and overcoming so much pain and finding that I’m enough, I’ve got this for me and even more for my little girl. I see her, I see how happy and full of light she is and I think, I did that. If I would have let life bring me down how could I have raised her up with so much joy that it flows from her like little rainbow breezes.


This all occurred to me one day as I was driving to pick up baby girl after work as a personal trainer. I had spent the day helping people work in their better selves and I was tired but a good fulfilled kind of tired. I realized I deserved to be proud of myself and if I can't say out loud to myself and others, how can I expect my child and my clients to do the same? Also, as a mother I’m constantly trying to be the best role model I can be. I can tell her how to be until I’m blue in the face but how much more valuable is it to show her how to be by embodying the very qualities I’m trying to instill in her, uh durr!


As soon as I had my daughter in the car I said, "Baby I'm very proud of myself. I have accomplished a lot and I'm a good person and I'm just really love me and all I've done for myself." The coolest thing happened when I said this, she smiled up and me and said, "Mama, are you happy? It makes me happy when you're happy."


Bleh, okay, so I’m writing this all down because I feel that I’ve really tapped into something here. If reading this helps a few people find inner peace I’ll selfishly take pride in that as well. These self discoveries I’m about to share are the standard by which I’ve decided to live my best life and its working. So, take what you want and throw away the rest. Here we go…...


Put Your Oxygen Mask On First


On the plane, when you travel with children, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first because if you’re unconscious you can’t help your baby. If you apply this to personal health both mental and physical you are prioritizing your best self in order to be your best for others. By being your best self you’re not only happier and better prepared to take care of others you’re also ensuring you will be around longer. Win, win. Good health, positive vibrations, and good karma are all side effects of putting yourself first.  


So go ahead and take time for you, go to the gym, go for a run, get your nails done, get a massage, go on a date, live your life!! Show yourself physical manifestations of love. Take care of your first and you’ll be better prepared to take care of others.


I Love You So Should You

Shine Bright Like A Diamond


As you start showing yourself physical and mental care you will reflect that inner love outwardly. There are the obvious visual appearance changes that will come from extra care and maintenance. All of that is more about giving you pride in your appearance and allowing you to show confidence. It’s the confidence and kindness that you will exude that will show others your worth. This is where the true beauty comes from.


Show other people how much you matter and how you deserve to be treated by treating yourself right first. If you put yourself first in regard to physical and mental health you’re showing others how much you value yourself. Your positive influence on yourself will help others understand how to take care of you. They can see that you set your expectations for loving you high and they will need to deliver on those expectations in order to be a part of your world.


Protect Your Light

Now this is probably the hardest step of all, at least for me. After you have set the standard of care for yourself you must protect it against all potential intruders including yourself. This is what we would call, setting boundaries. The trick I find to doing this is constant self reflection. I try to check in with myself every few days to determine my mood, any big swings or patterns I need to be concerned about, and my overall happiness status. If I feel like I may be developing a pattern of bad moods or major mood swings that’s a signal to me that my standard of care is off balance.


The check in process is not necessarily the hard part but this next step and the one after can prove to be difficult. In order to truly protect the beautiful golden light you’ve just cultivated, you need to determine what causes may be negatively affecting your mood and then address them. Both identifying the cause and addressing the issues can be difficult because it may include confrontation. It may also include admitting to yourself that you were wrong in some decisions or that you’ve made a mistake. If you stay true to yourself and the boundaries you’ve set, then there is no shame in discarding actions or behavior that doesn’t fit the model.


Finally, I’d like you to think of three words that you would be proud to be described by and focus everyday on embodying those qualities. In other words, be the you, you want people to think you are. My three words are: happy, brave, and inspiring. What are yours?


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