Updated: Nov 20, 2019
If you feel anxiety, hate, sadness, depression, anger, resentment, or any of those other icky feelings that bring you down, then you are most likely living in a state of fear. Fear is a beast that feasts on happy feelings and leaves us with emptiness and negative thoughts. I know, you’re not afraid of anything, you’re strong you just have valid reasons for avoiding certain things. Or, perhaps you’re a, “it’s not my fault that everyone else causing me pain,” kind of person. Or you’re, “Life just isn’t fair, I just have bad luck.” type of people. Either way, you can keep telling yourself the same crap and keep making the same excuses and stay in your safe little bubble. Well, you can stop the misery, put your big grown-up panties on and face your fears head on.
The key to your happiness lies in forgetting your fears. The moment you start recognizing and setting yourself free from that which scares you the more secure you will feel.
For example, as a CPT I see this all the time, you may be sitting in a personal fat suit because you’re afraid of the hard work, pain, and the threat of potential failure. Changing your diet, denying yourself “treats,” and putting yourself through painful exercise is hard work. It’s easier to sit in fear and a fat suit but the only thing in your way, if you’re honest, is you. I’m not saying any of this will be easy but think about it, how many people do you know that are truly happy and comfortable in their own skin? Not many, because it’s hard work and most people avoid facing the hard truth. So if you truly want to change, stop making excuses and start doing the work. Tap into the negative feelings you have toward whatever you see as your main issue. Look to your past to find where it started. Pull the issue apart until you find the why. Then own it, release it, and move forward.
Tap Into the Feeling
Naming the type of negative energy is the start to getting past it. If you feel bleh, or yucky every time you see a certain person or anyone with a certain type of personality try to define the icky. Is it hurt, anger, anxiousness, jealousy, fear, etc. The first sign I have that something is off in my life is when I start to get cranky or testy on the regular. I’m generally a fun loving but type A person so I run on high energy but I’m super positive so it’s like a little ball of sunshine walking around. But when a rain cloud feels like it’s sitting over my head, especially if I leave the house in an upbeat mood I know I’ve got a problem. This could be anxiety over heading to work, dread over having to pay a bill soon, whatever but it makes me moody, and short, and very impatient. This is my trigger to start tapping into exactly what I’m feeling. Sometimes I can recognize the root emotion right away. Other times I need to mediate or take a moment to think on it when in peace and quiet like in the shower or just before falling asleep.
Dissect Your Feelings
More than likely this memory is very painful to you and may be something you have dealt with by hiding and coping rather than facing and releasing. This part will not be easy but it is the most important step. In order to recognize the feelings, you need to relive the event at least in part. To do this safely you may need to distance yourself emotionally from the source. If you have a strong partner or best friend you can open up to about this trauma that’s even better. Telling people about hurtful things from our past can be a safe way to remove power from the pain. However you can see to get through it, you must understand completely the types of feelings that are causing you pain. What does your pain look like? Is it white hot rage, or brown shit, or a black hole of loss? What do you feel, when did it start, who or what was the source? Pull all of it apart, write it down, catalog it, put pins in the pockets of pain. Make your fears that frog from Biology in High School and dissect the shit out of it. You’ll know when the time is right to do this and it may be an on going project that you handle in chunks because the whole is too heavy to bear all at once.
Retrace Your Footsteps
Now that you have a name for your emotions it’s time to look for the pattern and find the cause. When do you first remember this feeling being associated with this type of person or event? Then dig deeper, was this really the first person that made you feel this way, was that really the beginning? Don’t stop until you land on the source of the negativity. For me a lot of times, as a CPT, life coach, and nanny, it’s about setting boundaries and protecting my person and my private time for me. This can be honoring my routine or my schedule and not giving more than I can or should without leaving time to recharge myself. There also may be a person who reminds me of a mentally abusive addictive personality ex-boyfriend of mine or controlling parental relationship, etc. Again, mediation, retreating into nature or anything where you can be alone with your thoughts is the best way to get to these deep feelings that are most likely sitting just below the surface of your conscience mind.
Face Your Fear
Once you are able to get through the painful process of pulling apart the source of your fears you now have the heavy task of staring them straight in the eye and saying, “you don’t own me anymore. I take back my power, and I release you back into the darkness from whence you came.” (or some less dramatic version of that) This is most likely something that has been burdening you for a long time so get personal with it. Be specific, treat it as though it is a person in your life that you have finally come to realize has taken away from you at a soul level and given back nothing fulfilling in return. Tell it off, yell, scream, throw things if you need to just get it out. You deserve to be happy and darkness will always be attracted to the light. Don’t be afraid to let your light shine through. Kick the darkness to the curb.
Once you have turned your fear into this boring science project, and then beat and remain pieces of it to obliteration, you have diffused its power leaving you with only one thing left to do, release yourself from its grasp. Adding light to a room scares away the boogey man just as recognizing the force behind a fear frees you from its hold. Release and open all the doors and windows inside again so you can let all that beautiful light in. Shine bright my lovelies.
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