Updated: Oct 24, 2019
If you believe it is true then it is. How you see the world is your own personal reality. The truth is you can’t always trust your vision because it is often skewed by what you want and/or expect to see. This can be good or bad depending on your mood. Because it is always you who is in the driver’s seat of your life’s journey. I have denied my powers of influence and perception for so long it’s kind of sad when you think about it. All that time wasted in the dark. However, as the crazy optimist that I am, I say better late than never. And, If I’m perfectly honest, I’ve known I’ve been creating my own reality from birth it’s just taken me this long to realize consciously that I was doing it. I thought I was just lucky and things just came easier for me. I held this as guilt that I was cheating somehow and fear that it would one day end. Now I see I’ve always been in control and I can actually harness this power to create even more and stay on track to help reduce the periods of lull or despair. Don’t get me wrong, I have struggled. I have felt crippling pain, and fear, and doubt. In my younger years, I even briefly contemplated death as a way out on multiple occasions. The downside of being the positive happy girl all the time is that the negative side is dark, very dark. But I am a survivor in the truest sense of the world. You can’t take me lying down and I certainly won’t be the one to end it all. You’re going to have to drag me kicking, screaming, and laughing all the way home. So how do I stay so positive? Well here are a few tips/tricks, I use to change my perception and therefore my reality.
Do You Really Have It That Bad?
One trick I use when I’m throwing myself a big old pity party is I think of people or civilizations of people that are struggling with real, life threatening, problems. When I worked at the gym, there was this woman who would come in every morning with a couple bags of “stuff” and she would shower, wash her clothes, lock her things up and go on job interviews, (I know this because I gave her a pair of socks once for her interview.) and generally keep herself busy there all day. I noticed this woman in particular because it took me a while to realize she was most likely homeless. She had a paid membership not like the non-members we would get that would try to get a guest pass to take a shower for a job interview, heart breaking stuff I tell you. This woman really stood out to me because that has always been my, half joking, “backup plan” for if things ever got that bad. This encounter happened to coincide with my second divorce which had my world turning upside down every other month or so. I was badly hurt emotionally and I noticed this woman in the locker room one day and she told me she didn’t get the job (the one I had given her the socks to interview for). I immediately felt simultaneously sad for her and ashamed for me. I was sitting here licking my emotional wounds and this poor woman is trying to get herself off the street. I realized my life is not bad, I have a home, I have a job, a beautiful child, and enough money to feed and clothe us. I’m going to be okay I will get over this hurt. Over the years I’ve obviously had other melt downs or bad days and I usually turn it around by thinking of any number of horrible things that are going on in the world that are much bigger than me and my little problems. Some of these other things being whole communities of people that face starvation, lack of clean water, genital mutilation as religious rituals, and all types of discrimination on the daily. Finally, I remind myself that you have to get through the dark to see the light.
Help Yourself See Positively
On a lighter note, another way to see more positively is to surround yourself with things that make you happy. If you decorate, incorporate, surround your home, car, purse or work-bag, office space, etc with trinkets that make you smile, you help yourself to see the bright side all day. When your spaces are full of clutter or darkness or blandness, you make it that much harder to see the light. Now I’m not necessarily giving you an excuse to go buy that expensive handbag you’ve been eyeing, but if you’ve worked hard ,and you never treat yourself to anything then maybe you should. What I’m talking about is more inspirational. The pictures on your walls, inspirational quotes on your cell phone lock screen/home screen, buy some flowers or plants. This is where those vision boards we love to promote come in. Give yourself good things to look at. Use a colorful pen to write with and brighten up your boring work notes, be creative and have fun with it. If it feels good and it’s in budget, mix it up. Brighten your own day! Another idea is to embrace your inner child and decorate for every holiday. This can help you embrace the spirit of your youth and give you an excuse to change your visual every month or so.
Dress to Impress
Along the same line as surrounding your spaces with only things that make you happy, carry that over to your closet. Starting today, tonight, whenever you’re reading this article, dress in something that makes you feel good and confident. I’m even talking underwear. Start from the inner layers out. I made a point a few years ago to only buy underwear that makes me feel sexy. No matter whether I’m single, dating, or committed if I feel like my bra and panties fit well and look good I’m much more confident selecting an outfit that matches. Think about how many times you go to the bathroom a day. You see your underwear more than anyone else in a day so make sure it makes you happy to look at it. Socks, tights, and accessories are another way I like to have fun with my outfits and make myself smile throughout the day. I realized recently that I had so much jewelry I had bought because it was cute or fun or made me happy but I was keeping it locked up for a better occasion. Well guess what, everyday of your life is an occasion so pull it out and put it on. Next up, when you have a free hour, start going through your closet and remove anything that doesn’t bring you comfort or joy. Don’t keep anything in your closet/dresser that doesn’t make you happy when you see it and especially when you wear it. If you feel good and confident in your outfit you’re already one step ahead of whatever might be thrown at you once you step foot outside that door. Try to channel that feeling all day even if, or especially if, you are hit with challenges as the day goes on.
Positive Affirmation Meditation/Mantra
I am strong. I am confident. I am happy. I have everything I need to create the future I want, that I deserve. I am worthy of love. I am loved. I have a great life. I love my life. Today is going to be a great day. These are just some examples of positive mantras to recite throughout your day and/or in your meditation. A lot like, “fake it until you make it,” the concept of positive mantras or thoughts is that if you say them enough you’ll start to believe them. The only difference is that 100% of the time these mantras are correct. They are correct because you do know what you need, and who you are, and what you want, and how to get it. You just need to believe in yourself to make it happen. It’s so much easier to blame others when things aren’t going right but more than likely it is your negative attitude, fears, or lack of vision that is holding you back. So stop doing that.
List the Positives
What are you grateful for? Take a moment when you’re having a good day to list out all the good things that have happened or are happening to you. List all the things, qualities, people in your life that make you happy or bring you joy. I am grateful for all of my loved ones, my home, my talents, my car, my job, my ability and desire to help people…….It’s best to do this on a good day or when you’re feeling exceptionally positive as the list should come to you much easier in that light. In the dark it’s not so easy to see, thus the need for the list in the first place. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day drama and negative thoughts. We all do it. We work too hard or too long or let other people’s bad moods affect us. We come home and we are too tired or hungry and our patience limit for the day has been exceeded. However, if you take a moment to rest and recharge and check your perspective you may find you actually had quite a normal or possibly even productive day. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and pull out your list. Do this in the car before you leave work or before you enter the house at night or in the parking lot before you rush in to pick-up the kids from school, or throughout the day if you can, as many times as you need to, to get through the day.
When you are feeling down, or like a failure, or like everything and everyone is against you, it’s time to embrace your humanity. Take a moment to embrace the darkness, then forgive yourself, kiss your boo boos, and move on. This may come as a shock to you, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are indeed human. I’m sorry to those of you who wish you were another species but here, on this planet, in this world, you are human. That doesn’t mean you weren’t put here to do extraordinary things, it just means that you have limitations due to the restrictions of this physical form, our current state of society, and all the other things that constrain us here on Earth. With all of that out of the way, let’s all agree to give ourselves a break. We aren’t perfect, so what? We make mistakes. So what? That’s how we learn. When you have a bad day or start to have a bad day, take it for what it is and then turn it around. Don’t let a rough morning turn into a bad day. If you face challenges all day don’t let that one day ruin your week, month, etc. Change your perspective and change your reality.
This whole process is unfortunately a weekly, monthly, possibly daily process. Until you are able to fully believe and see the light you will be hit out of nowhere, as it may seem, by negative energy. This energy is fleeting and its there to remind you how good the ups are. No you’re not manic, unless you are then you may need meds. For the rest of us that are searching for a non-medicinal answer I will remind you, the answer lies within you. The mind is a powerful tool, start using it for your mental health. Turn it on itself and make it see how beautiful, and wonderful, and perfect you are, just the way you are. No guilt, no shame, just awesomeness of youness. Until we meet again my lovelies. Namaste the shit out of your day!!
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