• Heather Vargas

Don't Forget To Forgive You

Updated: Oct 24, 2019

Forgive Yourself First


Because it is the hardest thing to do you should probably start there. If we’re going to be honest though we, especially us ladies, are going to put ourselves last. If you even think of it at all. You will take all the blame and let everyone else off the hook. How many regrets are you holding on to right now that you “blame” yourself for going wrong or just not so right? Of those regrets, think of one that you have forgiven yourself for. If you’re like me you’re coming up blank.

Put Yourself First

So, how do we get past this tendency to hold a grudge against ourselves?


Meditate On It

Well, first we need to meditate on it, take a deep look inside ourselves and inventory the negative thoughts and feelings about places and times in our life. Some people meditate or take personal inventory while they run, shower, sleep, etc. I actually came to the revelation that I was holding on to all of this shame and even guilt over my recent divorce during a run. I actually laughed out loud and people on the trail turned to look at me the looney tune but I didn’t care. I felt so happy and free. It was like duhh, forgive yourself dummy. I digress, the point is, whatever our method of deep self evaluation, do it with the intention of understanding if we are holding ourselves personally responsible for what has gone wrong in our past.


Meditate To Revisit

Replay, Relive, Revisit

Next we need to replay, relive, and revisit, these times but from a safe distance unless we think we need to actually feel all of the feelings again to get through it. The key is going to be to take unbiased stock of the situation that has caused us pain so that we can get to the root of the hurt. This can be part of our meditation process like a guided meditation taking us through our present pain, deeper, and deeper, and deeper still to get to the heart of it all. Once we reach the bottom, think about what went wrong, revisit and relive the incident if needed. This revisiting part of the process is all about discovering where blame was placed. Initially we may have blamed the other party. Since then, we may have forgiven them so we believed we were past it. However, if its popping up forefront in our minds through this process then there’s something else there. Is it us, is it guilt, is it blame? More than likely we have done the hard work to forgive the other party but have not taken the time to forgive ourselves so that we can let it go. We probably didn’t even really notice we had been holding personal blame because we have possibly been doing it for a long time.


Tear It Apart

Now we can analyze the hurt as if it were happening to our best friend, what advice or words of comfort would we use to help them cope with the pain? As we know by now, when we’re too close to something we can’t see the problem for what it is. So let’s pretend like this is happening to someone we know and care enough about to offer our advice. How does this situation look on the outside? So we missed all of the signs or chose not to see all the signs going into the situation. We dealt with a bad day with a bit too much to drink, we blacked out parts of the night but we’re sure nothing good came from them, and now we have a huge hangover for work and feel all yucky inside. We spoke words before thinking, how they would affect the other person? (Insert foot in mouth) These are just a few examples of things we might have done in the past. All of which, if they happened to our friend or someone we care about would be forgivable offenses. Sooooooo, let’s look at them that way, from afar, and think of all the nice things we would tell our friends to help them feel better.


Tear It Apart

Give It The Big F Word

Finally, it's way past time for the big F word. Forgive thyself. But really though, we can’t just say, “I forgive myself.” and it’s all settled. We need to think of all the reasons why it is okay to forgive. We need to tell ourselves, and start to believe in our own words, that it wasn’t our fault. Repeat after me, “I made a mistake, I am not a perfect human being, and that is okay, that is beautiful. I forgive me.” We all deserve our own forgiveness just as much, if not more, than everyone else we’ve ever forgiven in our lives. Then let it the F go. Let it go, let it go. Seriously, do it. Go ahead, I’ll wait. (winky emoji).

There, now doesn’t that feel better. Give yourself a big hug, and get out there and kick some booty. Until next time my lovelies. (kissy heart emoji)


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